Actually From The Onion
May 3, 2010 | ISSUE 46•18
PHILADELPHIA—Pacing angrily behind Independence Hall, historical actor and Thomas Jefferson impersonator Tim Blodgett, 48, loudly reenacted the legendary cell phone shouting match between the nation’s third president and his wife, sources reported Thursday. “For Christ’s sake, Sheila, how many times do we have to go over this,” hissed Blodgett, vividly bringing to life the historic scene exactly as it might have occurred more than 200 years ago. “Just tell your mother to call Time Warner and have someone come over and set up the goddamn box already. No, absolutely not—I’ll be home when I’m home.” After cursing beneath his breath, Blodgett painstakingly reenacted the time Thomas Jefferson got into his Honda Civic, drove to a nearby Bennigan’s, and got “blackout drunk” with his buddy Mitch.